pixiebird

The blogs, they are a movin'

2011-07-04T08:13:00.000-07:00

Having realized that I can only force myself into one or 2 internet medias a week, I've moved all the arty news blog life stuff here:
http://beastwares.tumblr.com/

I didn't forget you, I've just... moved on. Come with!

Back in the saddle...

2011-04-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

...And covered in fake fur! New stuff soon! New BeastWares! New New New! AIEEEEE!

I have no pictures for you yet.

I love you!

2011-01-17T23:11:00.000-08:00

not quite the same...

swing at the point.

point!

tree tunnel.

part deux.

night...

2011-01-12T15:18:00.000-08:00

I am having a sensitive day and kind of hiding from everyone, lest I burst into tears and make a scene. On the plus side, I inherited a real mattress from a departing frenchman and my sleeping life just got exponentially better.

If I hear one more thing today about how one's aching back, bug bites and broken clock are the universe telling one something, I may scream.

2011-01-10T15:30:00.000-08:00

Up early for kundalini yoga, which, as it turns out, involves lots of fast breathing and choreographed flapping of arms. It's amazing how hard that can be. My mood for the past 2 days has been hovering between lonely and just sort of sick of listening to my own head, but yoga seems to help (as irritating and Boulder a sentence as that is.) Made friends with one of the guests, a 50-some woman here for a current yoga retreat and had a nice lunch with her, talking about life and finding your way and all that. Feeling a little better, though also like a damn hippie.

It's weird to have nothing to do. Time moves differently. I'm craving projects, but simple ones, like a popsicle stick house or something. Beads. Friendship bracelets.

2011-01-09T16:11:00.001-08:00

First morning shift. Started out sensitive and cranky and spending most of my internal monologue explaining to myself why being sensitive and cranky was pointless and unhelpful. I hate being the new kid in the kitchen, but at least it will only be a day or two until there's someone newer than me. Constant turnover isn't all bad. Had a surprisingly deep conversation in 30 minutes or less out on the point during break, perked up, and generally survived. Serving people buffet-style food is somewhat unfortunate...people are so very particular about their food and really don't want to be served that way; you can see them itching to snatch the spoon out of your grasp.

It's been two days of too much self-questioning and navel-gazing, and I'm sick of myself and my tiresome issues and concerns.

Time for a shower and a good kick in the head.

2011-01-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

It's a cold and grey day, meaning only in the high 60's. Everyone is grousing about how cold it is. Love it. I had such a nice birthday... I expected to let it pass without much notice or hoopla, but the whole breakfast table burst out in song when I got there. Everyone, even people I hadn't met yet, bombarded me with well-wishes all day. Barcus and Jonathan, an amazing set of old-marrieds, took me out to thai dinner in Pahoa. Corey came along, and we rode the 20 minute or so trip to Pahoa in the back of Jonathan's pickup, watching the lonely country road wind out behind us. Pahoa is a tiny little town that reminds me a bit of Glenwood Springs with a rustic clapboard main street and, apparently, a meth problem. I guess meth is the drug of choice in these parts, owing to the ability to make it out of things already available on-island. Jonathan looked resplendent in a gauzy shirt and a billowy scarf, and the two of them told stories about their dog show days. When we got back, we rumbled over to the Field of Dreams, where the ag crew had built a huge bonfire. A few hours of chatting and I walked home under the explosion of stars, Orion sailing right overhead.

The day before, I wandered down the road about a mile and half to Kehena, the hidden black sand beach. The ocean is literally across the street, but we're up on these vicious black-rock cliffs, so you can only gaze longingly at it. Kehena is at the bottom of a winding, rocky descent, and is a beautiful little cove of black sand with a friendly warning sign near the entrance alerting one to the great numbers of people who have met their end there. Yay. The waves are strong, the undertow intense, and black volcanic rocks are likely to be thrown into the surf... so I don't think I'll be doing much swimming. Mind you, the owner of Kalani and a few other hardy, tanned, very naked souls marched in with flippers and snorkels and trekked out to some rocks a mile or so away...impressive.

This afternoon I start my kitchen duties, wish me luck.

2011-01-04T22:22:00.000-08:00

Hawaiiiiiii!

It's amazing how tired I get, and how fast. But it's this weird, outdoor, energized tired. I arrived
yesterday afternoon in a haze of sun and shock at being warm for once. Since then I've been in an exhausting whirlwind of adjusting and trying to hide my general wide-eyed-awkward terror. Everyone has been amazingly friendly, but of course there's a period of feeling like the new kid at summer camp. My tent, predictably, doesn't fit my tent area. We get an 8'x8' wooden platform with a 16'x16' carport-style awning over it...everyone else has some variation on your basic dome or room tents, but noooooo, I had to get the cool one that looks like a damn teepee...and... it's too tall. So I've McGyvered it together, tying the top to the awning poles and guy wiring it out, but it still looks like a menacing jellyfish perching in the grass, breathing in sinister billows. Ah well. Some of the volunteers stay in these tiny little A-frames...I admit I'm rampantly jealous. More reason to come back as a "seasoned veteran" I suppose.

I'm not sure how to begin to describe this place. It's so different from where I just left that it's overwhelming. All the buildings are "rustic", made largely of screen walls and windows. The stars are INSANE. It's darker than dark at night. It's SO INCREDIBLY WET. I've been warned that my clothes, even if I haven't worn them, are likely to mold. Nothing really dries, ever. It rains in violent, drenching bursts. The trees in the center areas are draped in lights and look like they are glowing from within. I thought California was fertile and covered in growing things, but this place puts it to shame. Agriculture is constantly fighting back the rampant growth, and everything is just walls of dense green pocked with swollen flowers. It is NEVER quiet. There are frogs that sing day and night. They sound like birds and crickets combined, but not frogs...They have several different songs, but they never, ever stop. It sounds grating, but isn't.

Today I woke up feeling overwhelmed. Overly overwhelmed, and I had to retreat into my jelly-tent and nap it off. But... this afternoon I made a bracelet woven of leaves. I couldn't tell you the name of the tree or the style of weaving because it all had fantastic Hawaiian names that careened in and out of my head as fast as most of the names of people I've been meeting. Anyway, I sat on a patio-couch with a few friendly people and listened to Auntie Lynda teach me to make something. Barefoot in cut-offs and a tank top and at perfect body temperature, watching a bright green gecko climb the wall, listening to the sound of waves smashing into black-lava cliffs right behind me. Then a yoga class in a huge, domed room: wood floors, lit by colored upshot lights, trees inside and out and open to the sea. I mean, come ON. That's pretty great. Maybe I don't want to go home yet.

This doesn't look like much, since it's, you know, dark, but I'm in a grove of lit-up trees.
Just LISTEN!

I tried to upload a picture of the beast-tent, but blogger doesn't want to play along. Maybe later, if you're good.

Lordy...

2010-12-30T12:50:00.000-08:00

This is (almost) everything I've made since quitting my day job, meaning since 1 November...not counting a couple hats and 3 pairs of pants that have no photos. 2 weekends craft shows, an art show up and down, and another one-night group show event.
Can haz go to Hawaii now?

Holiday Show Fun

2010-12-11T08:47:00.003-08:00

I'll be at the Bazaar Bizaare at Fort Mason Center all weekend. New stuff! New Prints! Awesome vendors! Cocktails! Why WOULDN'T you go?

Details here: http://www.bazaarbizarre.org/sanfrancisco/shows/

Holiday Show Fun

2010-12-11T08:47:00.002-08:00

I'll be at the Bazaar Bizaare at Fort Mason Center all weekend. New stuff! New Prints! Awesome vendors! Cocktails! Why WOULDN'T you go?

Details here: http://www.bazaarbizarre.org/sanfrancisco/shows/

Holiday Show Fun

2010-12-11T08:47:00.001-08:00

I'll be at the Bazaar Bizaare at Fort Mason Center all weekend. New stuff! New Prints! Awesome vendors! Cocktails! Why WOULDN'T you go?

Details here: http://www.bazaarbizarre.org/sanfrancisco/shows/

Holiday Show Fun

2010-12-11T08:47:00.000-08:00

I'll be at the Bazaar Bizaare at Fort Mason Center all weekend. New stuff! New Prints! Awesome vendors! Cocktails! Why WOULDN'T you go?

Details here: http://www.bazaarbizarre.org/sanfrancisco/shows/

Help a puppy!

2010-12-07T23:38:00.000-08:00

My good friend's dog is in a hell of a lot of pain and needs $4000 of

mouth surgery. They've taken out a line of credit they absolutely cannot afford to cover it. If you can find it in your heart and wallet, will you help him out?PLUS, everyone who donates $20 or more gets an 8"x10" print of an original portrait of Mr. Burrito himself... by ME! OMG!

The Patient.

The Print!

What I did today... Fishy Business...

2010-12-06T20:12:00.000-08:00

Working on a tattoo design for Lisa. Here's ze sketch... fantastique, non?
I think I may kill the flowers. Anyway.

The Chillin' Productions Holiday shindig was pretty amazing, except I never know what to do in those situations. I feel an overwhelming pressure to make PROGRESS. NETWORK. ADVANCE CAREER. But I don't know who the hell anyone is and they don't know me from every other San Francisco chick in a dress and shit-kicker boots. And I am NOT a friendly-in-crowds type... more a stand in a corner until I can politely get the hell out type. So I wasn't really sure what to do with myself and walked in circles a lot. BUT. There was some seriously awesome work. Also some seriously stunted, overpriced, smeared-out-of-the-tube shit. Ah well. AND I may have sold a piece to the owner of 111 Minna, which would be, in truth, pretty awesome. Not to mention that the piece in question is a self-portrait, so I shall hang in his house and STARE AT HIM until he realizes how PROFOUNDLY AWESOME I am, and that his gallery simply MUST have my work!
My plan cannot fail!

That is what I did today.

What I did today... DINOSAURS!

2010-12-02T21:06:00.000-08:00

yay!

2010-11-29T11:02:00.000-08:00

From my 6:30 sunrise walk this morning.
It's so cold here I almost feel like I live in a place with seasons again.

moon getting shoved off the sky.

streetlight and star.

pretty pretty.

Morning Walk Awesomeness

2010-11-28T09:37:00.001-08:00

When I actually manage to stumble outside first thing after getting up, I'm always glad I did. It reminds me why the city is worth living in. The houses rise in waves, bathed in pink-gold morning light. The air is crisp, smelling of wood smoke, dead leaves, and stubborn plants still growing green. The bums are still sleeping in their little bum-burritos. Bliss.

You really have to blow this up to appreciate it. Alamo Square at 7 am this morning, sunrise creeping over the chilly city.

Sutro Tower (aka Devil Tower) presiding...

My eyes tend to edit out how many wires are strung all over this city. When I stop and take notice of them, I'm astounded by how MANY there are.
I think they're sort of beautiful in an urban-lace sort of way.

Beautiful House of the Day. The early morning iphone photo doesn't do it justice... the pale olive green with turquoise, mauve and gold. Hell yes.

And just to top it all off: FUCKING BLUE GUARD LIONS. Win.

10 years?!

2010-11-26T19:52:00.000-08:00

updates...well, I'm not working...I mean I AM, but just for me right now. So far it's not as freeing as I'd hoped. turns out i have lots and lots of patterns and habits and hangups and not all of them are good. Turns out it's really hard to get me out of the house, for one. But there are moments of joy and clarity and bliss...and lots of worry and stress and feeling of gaping discontent... and then it all starts over again. So, par for the course, I guess. I realized I've been in CA over 2 years now, and I can definitely feel it in my itchy feet. I haven't lived anywhere consecutively for more than 2 years since I got out of high school, and it's become a habit of its own. The first year is mostly figuring my shit out...meeting people, building a group of friends, figuring out where to get groceries, get my hair cut, exercise, etc...where's the DAMN GROCERY STORE? Then the second year is sort of hitting my stride, getting comfortable, getting a routine, settling in, then...I guess I start to get bored. Strangely, I often want to leave for places I've been before; I often want to go home to Boulder. I STILL want that, but I feel like I can't do it until I have enough money or career or plan to do it, lest I end up in the same pattern--subsistence day-job and roomates. Guh.

Growing up there, you are always seeing these ridiculous houses people have, right out in the open spaces. Architecturally beautiful beasts of glass and A-frame majesty; hand-carved doors and river-rock fountains... I always wanted to live in one, imagining some fictitious fantasy life where I'd wake up at sunrise and have a quiet morning of, I don't know. Something Bouldery. Coffee and Yoga and Running and Meditation and Generally Being At Peace With It All. Nights of cooking in my gorgeous granite kitchen and sitting on the porch watching the sun set with a glass of wine, listening to the hummingbirds and mourning doves and crickets, being a part of things somehow. I know that's completely fantastical, but it doesn't stop me from wanting it. Sometimes I think I am made up entirely of polar opposites and my major driving force is fantasy, and a sense of longing, a sense of incompletion, but not knowing what for. This is all besides the point, and in this day and age of self-indulgent bloggery I feel ashamed of allowing myself such angsty and self-involved diatribes, but there you are. It's too late now.

I'm missing my 10 year high school reunion tonight and it's got me feeling low. Nostalgic, sad, frustrated and profoundly human. Reprise sad and frustrated. I talked online to a high school friend tonight that I'd lost touch with for 4+ years. He's married, has a kid, is getting a divorce. His dad, a much loved history teacher of ours, died this year, and he's a medic in Iraq, bored and waiting to go home. This is the kid who passed cartooned notes with me on notebook paper during geometry. The kid that I met because I liked his Cure shirt, who listened to Morphine and Patti Smith and REM with me, speeding through Colorado suburbian nights in somebody's parents' SUV. The kid who wore beat up army pants and funny white undershirts with his own sayings printed on them in sharpie. My favorite was his halloween edition: same outfit as always, but the shirt: "i am madonna." He gave it to me on my 17th birthday. This kid who wrote beat poetry on the back of gum wrappers and slipped them into my notebooks.
We seemed so brilliant then, so flaming, astrally bright. Everything was the knife's edge, and we were all waiting for greatness. It's cliche to say I'm disappointed, and ungrateful to insinuate that my life isn't wonderful, but I admit I was still living in that childhood mindset that magic is going to just happen to you. That you will be beset with wonders without having to lift a finger; that you are a rising star just waiting for the chains to be thrown off; that your life will suddenly feel like...not your life I suppose. Fuck, I'm still waiting for my letter from Hogwarts!

I find it so hard to sit still. I know that if you uproot and change direction every 2 years, nothing big will ever get built, and I'll be feeling pretty "square one"-like forever, but at the same time... I just want to GO. I don't even know what that MEANS, or what I'd DO, but I want SO much. I'm so full of love and fear and life that it seems tragic to be sitting still in repetition.

In high school, we'd go driving. On lunch break, or after school, with Randy or Scott or Brice... we'd go get ice cream, or go to the mall on some made-up mission, or just... drive. Once we drove to Kansas on a Saturday. I remember I had an assignment due in English, so I read "Two Gentlemen of Verona" while we drove, bare feet up on the dash of Randy's huge boat of an Audi. We drove to Kansas, took pictures at the border, bought $2 truck stop T-shirts that we'd made our holy grail and went home. We didn't really care about Kansas, we just needed a destination. We just wanted to drive, to feel free.

I'd like to be able to get back to that sort of profound sense of freedom in the simplest things.

Anyway, that was hardly an update, but it is what's occupying my head. Nostalgia and memories and missing home and trying to decide what to do next and hoping I'm not screwing it all up.

this is what i did today. be fascinated.

2010-11-21T17:25:00.000-08:00

It was such a ridiculously pretty morning today. Post-massive thunderstorm (in SF? WTF!?) and crisp, clean, scrubbed of filth for a brief moment...then I took Pekoe out to pee on it. Sigh. Bliss is so transient...

Look how freaking pretty. PRETTY!!! LOOK AT IT!!

This is me waving at myself. I think I wanted to prove I left the house.

Dog.

DOG!!

This is my spy-cam photo of this house across the street from me. It's all windows and always clean and lit up with really lovely cozy lighting. It always looks like the most comforting sanctuary-in-the-city house. I want to elope with it.

Voulez-Vous...?

2010-11-20T15:14:00.000-08:00

Here's my last additions to our Fabrications show. These are 5x5" on wood panel and may be the cutest things I've ever painted.

We hung the show yesterday. Of course, now that it's up I hate it all. My work looks like the mind of an ADD schizophrenic. Where it ought to be a smooth, streamlined style of saleability, it is instead a collage of sizes, colors and ideas. I am not so good with this being a stable brand thing. May be that should be my selling point: " I'm effin' NUTS! Buy the products of my restless psyche!" Perhaps that's the ticket...

Anyway I hope you like it.

What I made TODAY!

2010-11-16T23:47:00.000-08:00

Le renard, il est fini.

Lines...

Cheating with photoshop to decide colors. Cheat Cheat...

Et voila!

Maintenant j'ai besoin dormir, et peut-etre retourner a la classe du francais...
je suis tres horribles.

2010-11-15T21:24:00.000-08:00

unmotivated grumping! Morning needs to last for like 10 hours, as that is my most productive time, the hour in which my thoughts are most pristine, full of hope and clarity, the day full of promise and possibility. Night sucks. I vote for morning all day long. With the associated benefits of pancakes. All day pancakes. It will be like an IHOP in here except with less corn syrup and paint all over everything. Who can resist THAT? I got things done today, really I did, but I shant show you any pictures because Beasty Boyfriend has made off with the camera to take pictures of one of his many Michael Myers Masks...I won't get into that except to tell you that it involves much skulking around our basement with large knives wearing jumpsuits...

anyway. it was a day. there was painting. I have finished the fox. If you are very good you may see it one day. I'm not sure whether or not I like it now, as is often the case with finishing something. IT'S DONE OH HAPPY DAY OH GLORY OH....meh.

perhaps I should go find my friend Whiskey and make some pancakes...

disturbia...

2010-11-09T19:36:00.000-08:00

...not really. But titles ask for too much profundity. And piffle on that, so henceforth until I don't feel like it anymore, I'm titling a post after what's playing. Don't laugh. Dance music is better than caffeine! Except this one... "I make good girls go bad" ? Good GOD, Pandora is trying to make my ears bleed.

Anyway, here's some stuff I did today, can I have a cookie now?

LOVE YOUR MESS:

yum.

Room! Yes, that is a bra hanging on my door. I only mention this because it's now one of the only ones I have left because some douche-canoe STOLE my other ones out of the laundromat today. Who does that?
The big dark mess is going to be a dog portrait I'm donating to a very cool non-profit called The Positive Pitbull. Check them out, Paige is doing good works for the pits and I'm donating a pitty portrait to her auction. For now, it's a big mess in my room. I think it may be my masterwork. I call it "Rhapsody in Blue".
It's very meaningful, if you don't get it you must be a peasant.

The fox materializes! Clever...

Pekoe is, as usual, uncertain of her approval of proceedings.

That's it. I'm going back to working on my masterpiece.
I'm going to be discovered for my genius any minute now.

2010-11-05T22:19:00.000-07:00

Halloweeeeen! I love and adore Halloween, but I will admit it always gives me a case of the mopey let downs. I don't know what I expect from poor Halloween, but it's always something...more. A deeper, more sacred, more meaningful ritual, than, um, just getting wasted. Again. Am I wrong in thinking that we, collectively, yearn for something bigger, and not knowing what to do, leaderless, just default to booze? Every year I fail to find something that feels like the proper recognition of the holiday and get a bit morose about it. Then, of course, I realize what an abject POOP I'm being and feel bad about that too. Ah well. In any case, I sure do love to dress up.

Alice

Living in San Francisco, I'm lucky enough to have the post-Halloween prize of Dia de Los Muertos. Fuck yeah. This is such an amazing night...here's a lot of the sacredness and respect that I think Halloween has lost. The whole Mission comes alive with dead people. Candles, flowers, drums, and everyone a variation on the same theme. It's thrilling and vibrates you right to the core, feeling life through feet and skin and hair.

On the art front...ugh it seems I work all day and get nothing done. I'm really hoping that I'll feel "caught up" at least a little soon. Either that, or Hawaii will happen. Too bad, jerk! Didn't think of that, didja? I have a show in a few weeks at Mission Comics. Here's art!Fox To Be

I'll spare you any other thoughts on art, as that's like opening a portal to boredom-mopey-HELL. I'm forbidden from talking about art until I can do it without whining or sounding even a little angsty. And until I eat my vegetables. Now put on my dunce cap and go sit in the corner.

Oh, and I still want my life to exist in the world of Harry Potter. Just sayin'. That is all.

2010-10-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

Glee and booze glee and booze!

and THIS:

Owls! Funnies, they has them. RRRAAAAAHRHRHAHAHHH!

buying tickets to hawaii...

2010-10-26T21:14:00.001-07:00

for three months. I hate hate hate flying. Guess it's time to get over it. Terror.

etsy treasuries

2010-10-26T20:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.etsy.com/treasury/4cc56e5d3d5d8eefe15b27d9/in-order-to-attain-the-impossible-one

and

http://www.etsy.com/treasury/4cc639aeb4198eef9a74b910/monsters-magic-mermaids-oh-my

good stuff! I love seeing my stuff picked as part of these collections.

2010-10-25T18:15:00.000-07:00

last week of work. feeling things shifting like itchy forces of nature in my head. a constant state of ideas and drive combined with a need to watch Glee and drink vodka. does this make me an artist?

APE!

2010-10-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

Hello APE'RS!

Well, a fantastic time was had by all. APE always absolutely exhausts me, but also gives me extreme warm fuzzies...it is so good to see all my comic and art people all workin' it in one big room, and the crowd that attends are generally awesome. The WOF'ers debuted their new banners and formed a united front of badass, Emma's Beasties ran rampant, Justin Hall did some good spanking, and I made a fool of myself in front of my webcomic crush. Erika Moen, I swear I am not always that awkward and gibbering. Really.

If you'd like to be updated with new products, stuff on etsy, photos of random crap, etc, please join the facebook page here. I update it mostest and fastest. I'm trying to get better about keeping up with the internets, but the internet>me. I had to be dragged kicking and screaming into getting an email. YOU DAMN KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN! In any case, please join the facebooks for the most regular updating.

Back to the grind. 2 weeks left until sweet, sweet (terrifying) unemployment!

more etsyyyyy

2010-08-24T20:21:00.001-07:00

http://www.etsy.com/listing/54662080/pixiebird-delirium-print

prints! huzzah!

Etsy showcase woo!

2010-08-20T21:10:00.000-07:00

These last 2 weeks I've been trying to step up my etsy life--I disabled the store function on my website, so it really is my only store now, so I better try harder I feel. Anyway, I've been featured in a couple awesome showcases...apparently unicorns are a good move...

YAY!

http://www.etsy.com/treasury/4c6ed70445968eef171ac3d7/the-last-unicorn
http://www.etsy.com/treasury/4c65eabbf0d86d91c32cba96/unicorns
http://www.etsy.com/treasury/4c61d515347c6d91b25ffb18/tattoo-you

i love when i realize someone out there has actually seen and reacted to something I've done on this weird, solo internet thing.

A peek at a project

2010-08-19T21:51:00.000-07:00

I've taken the leap on trying to get a mini-book together. Hopefully for APE, but if not, well, at least I'll have DONE it, right?

Here's a taste... wish me luck on finishing it. Now I've talked about it, so I HAVE to, right... right?

blargy arg etc.

2010-08-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

I'm having trouble balancing my internet selves. I see people keep up with these beautifully written blog posts and I just think, "damn! I'm just not that interesting inside!" Anyway, I'm a little better with ye ol' facebook (less commitment, i think), so please feel free to be a "fan" (haw!) over here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/pixiebird/106053035720

Renegade was a ball of stress but turned out well: here's my lone photo!

Emma is the best booth babe, and I got to sort of awkwardly avoid taking credit for her work. Our stuff is just similar enough that no one can tell whose is whose, so she'd go for a walk and I'd be fielding this exchange:

them: your work is BEAUTIFUL!
me: um, yes, it is! But it's not mine, mine is over here...but Emma is AMAZING! YES!
them: OH! Oops, I mean, yours is beautiful too!
me: Oh it's ok! I didn't mean you should, oh, um, you don't have to... oh hell.

so that was that. but it was good and worth it none the less.

speaking of blog envy, i spent a bit of time on the "elephant" site today. It's sort of huge and daunting, so i couldn't really definitively describe it, but it comes from boulder and reminds me of my dear home town and all that, so... anyway i encountered some lovely writing, but instead of inspiring me, it just made me blue. clearly i'm a cranky curmudgeon today, which is TRUE!!! but
after reading that for a while it just seems that everyone in that world has it figured out. And they have money. And they are all trim yoga-fabulous. And zenner than thou. And probably sleep on bamboo-rice beds or something. And generally having a better time than me while looking fanTAStic and spreading joy in the dance of energetic love or something. I love that place, and I love a lot of that energy and "commuuuuuunity" and all, but it's only after leaving that I begin to return to it. Only now that I stop rolling my eyes and studying Buddhism myself. I don't really have a point here.

aaaaand HERE'S some stuff I've listed on Etsy! Huzzah!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/pixiebird

What else? I'm starting to hate my job and get that itchy feeling again. Veering between hope and excitement and CRUSHING RAGE AND DOOOOOM! Food service will do that. Trying to maintain a positive outlook while coping with the fact that I am inherently kinda surly. But a good cook! Hope you are all well out there in internet land.

Bourbon and Chocolate MIlk

2010-07-24T22:21:00.000-07:00

I've been, once again, lax in my virtual life. Laaa di da. Renegade Craft Fair is coming up, so I've been trying to pull together some last minute nonsense for that. I also had a grand train of thought to expound on, but then my friends careened in reeking of sun and expensive booze, and derailed the whole damn thing.

the basics:

work work work

think dream consider ponder sleep

when is the right time to let go and just jump?

Here's some things for you to look at.

New Promo Banner.

New Postcard. Yes, I did some clever reusing.

New Shirt! Note: Do not take model shots at 4 am after goth dancing all night.

SEE?!

New stuff is up at http://www.etsy.com/shop/pixiebird
should you desire to check it out...

2010-05-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

...fresh, warm bread with honey-butter and tea...mmm...

...and Etsy. I love Etsy. It's fantastic. But damn, people can make (and sell) some ugly shit. Amazing.

That's the problem with this line of work. If you're a software engineer and you suck at math and your coding is shit, well, you're a lousy software engineer and should probably brush up your waitressing skills. But when you're an artist? How can you scale what's good or not? A lot of the stuff that sells is not what I'd consider good, but who am I to judge someone's precious inner-expression and vision. Bah. You see?!?!!

Capsule!

2010-05-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

Capsule was grand fun, despite alternately burning me to a crisp, freezing me to a shivering mess, and attempting to blow everything away. I kid you not. I felt stupid for not having a cool pop-up canopy until one got blown over and snapped like a cheap toy. The skeleton was left to it's inglorious fate in the alley like a defeated future-monster.

DESPITE THIS...it was tons of fun. I met a few fantastic people, including a really sweet Blue-Bottle barista and a kid who'd seen my work at Lower Haters but couldn't buy the shirt he wanted 'cause they didn't have it in his size...but I did! Me to the rescue! If you've stumbled to my page of occasional ranting as a result of the fair, hello and welcome! My etsy store is looking mighty lonely these days, but it's next on my list to work on getting things up on it, so please check back occasionally. Also my site itself. It's soon to be updated, and the store feature should be generally disregarded, as stock has changed so much--please don't try to buy anything off it.

I'm off to bake some comfort-food bread now. yep.

Firedrums video!

2010-05-19T22:06:00.000-07:00

OOh ooh! And this is just up... Sammy's awesome video of Firedrums; one of the most amazing things I get to do all year. It's like 3-day summer camp for drummers and fire-performers, or anyone who'd like to be either. Truly one of the most amazing events... LOVE!

2010-05-19T21:47:00.000-07:00

My brain is like a choo-choo going "do stuff do stuff do stuff"... on the other hand, I'm never bored. The fluevog ad should be out next month, maybe perhaps. One of the Chronicle Books employees that patronize my fine place of business actually laid it out when putting together a magazine on scooters and recognized it as mine just from that...how cool!

I'm also in a fair put on by Union Design this weekend: Capsule; Patricia's Green in Hayes Valley. Sunday, May 23, 11-6. I put the details in just in case anyone actually reads this and wants to come by-- hint hint, invisible masses.

Sometimes this art hting feels like a snowball; I so something that introduces me to a million more events, organizations, stores, people... or most likely a bunch of websites I should peruse and people I should put on my man pants and send art to. Pick me Pick me! SO much stuff to do and pursue...

And I'm doing the moving thing again in a few months! Not far... like, REALLY not far (a whole block away!) but I get a thrilling new room with better light and better studio capability. My mind is spiraling into a fantasy world of all the art to be done there, and I envision myself getting up early, having coffee as the daybreak filters in and getting down to work making stuff... then I remember I have to go to SOMA (ew) every day to, oh that's right, MAKE MONEY. Every so often I get ramped up to quit my job and just pursue art full-time, just to see if, without having to fit all the art making, networking, pushing, into the corners of my time, maybe, just maybe, it would really start to take off. Maybe if I treat it as my full-time profession, it will become it. So far, the fact that I basically LIKE my day job (even if it isn't the dream career) and that it treats me very well keeps staying this leap, so for now I'll keep saving money and biding my time, I guess... sigh.

Oh, and here's some new pins I just got made, because what's a talky blog post without a picture?

precious few

2010-05-02T15:35:00.000-07:00

I've just spent the last month of most of my free (read: not at Ironside or asleep) time making tiny things, and listening to audiobooks. I can now report that my hands are in revolt, "Wicked" is pretty good, and I never would have gotten through "Anathem" if I had been reading it the old-fashioned, analog way. Damn, Stephenson, you sure do love your own brainyness.

Anyway, here's the fruits of my labor: lots of teeny tiny paintings. It was, despite being murder on my hands and eyes, really satisfying to be able to FINISH something so quickly.
"I have an idea! Done! I have another idea...done!" These are all between 2 and 4 inches high and are currently on display at Swankety Swank at Haight and Divis. I'll also be participating in a street fair late this month, and they should make an appearance there, too. Grand fun.

my brain hurts and other news...

2010-03-28T15:55:00.000-07:00

Apologies for being remiss on the updates. This world of technecessity is still not entirely comfortable to me. And twitter? I give up. I can't hack it. Hell, I can't even update a blog regularly, much less remember to report in on my every activity and fleeting moment of cleverness. Arg! DAMN KIDS! WHERE'S MY CANE? BRING THE HORSE AND BUGGY 'ROUND AND WE'LL HAVE A REAL WILD TIME!

ok that's out of my system.

here's some pictures for you!

My new shrine to Fluevog. The $1000 shopping spree was overwhelmingly fantastic, and I couldn't handle putting the beauties in the closet. Shrines are perfectly good storage, shut up!

As requested, an "action photo". As it turns out, I'm monumentally bad at getting pictures of events and good times. I'm too self-conscious to either run around with a camera or to ask someone to take pictures of the outfit I spent 2 hours putting together. I'm working on it. This is from the fantastic Swankety Swank "Natural Magick" show. I had some fantastic Alice-in-Rainbow-Brite land thing going on. I would like to look like that every day, but without the hours of prep. k thx.

The painting that made it's debut at said show. Not a very good photo, but so it goes. I would say more about it, but it would sound melodramatic. The most important aspect was getting back to my roots in tattoo-studies; the sense of creating something new and personal while also participating in something older and greater than one's self. It's pretty. I <3 it.

Other things of note: I have shirts and stuff available in the fabulous LOWER HATERS store in, surprise! the Lower Haight. More should be coming out soon, as soon as I can get time to get some printed. WHY DO I NEVER HAVE ENOUGH TIME! DAMN YOU DAY JOB THAT PAYS ALL MY BILLS!
ahem.

Sugar!

2010-03-08T22:14:00.000-08:00

Her Royal Highness the Sugar-Booger herself.

please help me achieve shoe glory!

2010-02-26T10:53:00.000-08:00

I'm a finalist in a design contest! Now I need votes! And lots of them! You can vote once a day per IP address; if you can help, please do! I'd appreciate it so much!

here's the link: http://www.fluevog.com/code/fc_finalists.php?brief=9

XOXOXO!

oh, weekends...you leave me so soon.

2010-02-21T21:08:00.000-08:00

I've started a series of painings of LETTERS...an homage, or a love letter(grooaannn) to typography and the beautiful letter form. Not that I ever feel qualified for the job...the more I know about typography, the more I realize I don't know and suddenly I'm scared to dot an i for fear of committing an unwitting, umm...typo? I AM full of bad jokes, however.

pictures to come soon!

Also put together a new business card for my sweetie:

...it's all true.

Now my hands hurt, my shoulders are all hunched, and I have listened to almost all of "Wicked" on CD. Yeahhh weekend!

valentine's day

2010-02-18T17:49:00.000-08:00

recent nonsense

2010-02-06T15:17:00.000-08:00

chai coupon for work with non-functioning font. pfft.

submission to Fluevog's creative brief contest... nommm

so much computer... MY EYES!

Stuff to shove through your ears

2010-01-18T19:27:00.000-08:00

Here's some of the earrings I made a while back, finally up for view. There's more, but here's what I got before the ol' camera died. Time for a new one, I think.

I am apparently the proud owner of a cold. And sneezing on everything. Carrot cake will surely fix me right up!

PARTY!

2010-01-09T20:40:00.000-08:00

No shirt today... but I did make an invite for a PARTY! Cause it's my birthday and I WANNA! So there!

enjoy.
and if you happen to be in SF, come!

Space Between series... finished for now.

2010-01-09T13:16:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel like the most ADD artist of all time. How the old masters spent so much time on one piece, and working in one style, is beyond me. Theoretically the world was... slower...then.

In any case, I'm putting these to rest for now. Time to move on. Next!

5thousand

...And One.

All That I Wished You Were

All That You Could Not Be

Occupation

Onwards and Upwards, my friends.

Tea Time of DOOM!

2009-12-27T12:18:00.000-08:00

It's always good to catch up with old friends over tea and crumpets. Ya know, kvetch about work, share the latest gossip, oh no she DIN'T!

buy it:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37401596

HELL YEAH shirt!! woot!

2009-12-19T16:34:00.000-08:00

What to do, what to do? You really want, need, must HAVE that triple-scoop ice-cream cone, but your arms are too darn short to handle it! Use your noodle and get some use out of those old salad tongs... oh hell yeah!

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37132838

tra la la hooray.
and i am not sick anymore, thanks for asking.

Bleaahhhhhh

2009-12-13T19:04:00.001-08:00

Weekly shirt is taking a break due to too many shows and things to do combined with too much puking. I'll get one up soon, i promise.

until then, wonton soup and bad movies!

i leave you with a pretty picture of pretty san francisco being pretty.

Take Out Menagerie

2009-12-06T15:58:00.000-08:00

I've set up a new blog to collect the doodles I put on people's to-go boxes at work... if this tickles your fancy, check it out!

http://takeoutmenagerie.blogspot.com/

Weekly Shirt Woo!

2009-12-06T15:41:00.000-08:00

Bang hooray and woo observe the magic!

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36159953

Weekly Shirt

2009-11-28T15:03:00.000-08:00

The weekly shirt is here! Check it out.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35493964

Kaboom!

whew.

december shall henceforth be known as the month of MADNESS.
This next week goes as follows:

dec 2: gregory show! (omg omg omg)
dec 3: drop off art at shag:
-divis art walk, 8 pm... be a booze-mistress.

dec 4: cookie party--bake cookies, stuff face, repeat.

dec 5: shag salon fashion show! be a model, lose hair, drink.
dec 6: ironside staff party/work at swankety. chance of attendance at work party: low.
dec 7-11: make stuff, work, freak out some more.
dec 12: root division holiday sale
onward: breathe. pretend to take a break. overload with self with more projects that *might* create progress in this whole career-mess. repeat.

good lord. they didn't warn me about this career path in high school.
superhero time! grrr...

Shirt of the Week!

2009-11-21T18:39:00.001-08:00

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35013880

It's funny and cute and nerdy and sad... all at once! How can you live without it?
Now you don't have to...
Come and get it!

etsy and crittertastic fun times!

2009-11-15T12:44:00.000-08:00

New stuff is up on etsy (http://www.etsy.com/shop/pixiebird)... well, some of it is old stuff, but it may be new to you and it is newly available... so it counts, right? Also, keep your eyes peeled for new shirts to be unveiled, woo!

Valencia Hoodie!

Postcards: the Silly set.

Postcards: the Arty set!

Alright, that's all. I have to return to working on a super-secret logo project for a super-secret person. And I need to paint. I have these 3 paintings that are SO CLOSE and i just haven't finished them off. And they are needed soon for a holiday show at SHAG hair salon (hell yeah!) so I need to get my shit together. and i have a headache. and a mild hangover. and all eloquence has left the building. Off to procure coffee! Stay tuned!

Serendipity...

2009-10-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

My camera is lost in the wilds of my life somewhere... it's amazing how not having the ability to take photos to illustrate my thoughts derails my timely blog-updating. Everything I've been doing requires pictorial accompaniment. In words only form: APE was AWESOME. I met a lot of amazing artists, sold some stuff, had the coolest table-mate ever (lots of maniacal giggling and drawing was involved)...I LOVE seeing my work on actual, living, walking people... it's extremely gratifying. I also got the COOLEST $10 piece of art... which of course I'm DYING to put a damn picture of up, but NOOOOO... in any case it's a doodle of Death with a party hat and a cupcake and a speech bubble with a heart! Clearly this artist and I are on a cosmic cute-death trip. My new mission is to collect all cute deaths I find... they will be mine.

The My Trick Pony show went well; again, great to see my creatures going out into the world. Nearly everyone I know in the city showed up, too, so it was pretty much a cheap-wine fun-fest of bawdy, mouthy peet's types... I love you kids.

Ironside is eating all my time. It's much more gratifying work, but is a real 40+ hour/week job, which changes my art-making time. The good news is that I work 9-5 like a "normal" person... now I just have to learn to motivate myself to paint and make between 6 and 10 pm instead of lying in a heap refusing to do anything. Really though, I ain't complaining. Job feeds me, provides me a phone, lets me set my schedule, and the owners and chef are beyond cool...what a relief.

Pekoe is buried in a heap of blankets on the bed, grumbling and growling at some hapless canine walking by outside. As I type this, I have a steady soundtrack of "rrrghhhRRRrrRRRRrrhhhhRHrhrghhhh....."

And the newest excitement! I'm joining ranks with the amazing folk of Swankety Swank on Divis. (in NOOOPA... oooOooh...) I'll be selling various, um, stuff! And if you've been paying attention, you know that's a lot of ... stuff. I discovered Swankety Swank and Yabette, the fabulous proprietress, in one of those completely serendipitous moments, which, in my experience, is usually San Francisco's way of telling me something. I had a very poignant moment with a construction sign once...

Whee!

Sans my camera, I leave you with a few photos from my crappy camera phone...

I make to-go food fun!

DEMON POPSICLE

best. street art. ever.

Hello APE'rs!

2009-10-17T20:15:00.000-07:00

Hello to anyone and everyone who may be wandering in from the APE aftermath... I swear and promise I'll have images of available custom designs up soon, and I'll get some up on etsy for easier ordering, etc. Until then, if you happen to know what you want (ie: the grey fish hoodie), simply shoot me and email and it shall be done!

xoxo

dramatic time has set in...

2009-09-12T18:08:00.000-07:00

It's a wonderfully grey and coasty day... they kind of day where i am constantly reminded that i am in an ocean-bounded city, constantly nostalgia-pulted into memories of Maine and my time on the Right Coast; the mono-tonal moistness that Portland so often wears. There's something dramatically satisfying about clomping around a rainy coast-town in a long coat and boots; something cozy and comforting that all the beauty of sunny days just can't touch. I'm suddenly in fall and holidays and making soup and bread with friends, missing my seasons but happy in my fog. Sometimes i forget to remember to be happy, what with all the stress of money and career and "the big questions" of one's 20's. My own artistic and personal demons; the pressure and demands i put on myself, the criticisms and dissatisfactions i experience that are even more enraging for the fact that i KNOW that i create them...if i could only let go they'd just... disappear. in any case, it's a pretty cool thing i'm getting to do, really; living in San Francisco, making it work as i go... even if it isn't what i thought i could/should/would be doing at this age. The air feels good. I have people that love me. I have a good coat and boots to stomp in. It's gonna be ok.

MORE moping! jeezus!

2009-09-07T20:50:00.000-07:00

dratted hormones. dratted moods.

i've done not much today except sit on the floor and make sparkly sculpey earrings... basically a glorified way to say that i'm being 5 and rolling snakes and covering in glitter. which i'd take a picture of for you but my camera is elsewhere.

when the constant is you, sometimes you don't notice how much everything has changed.

whine mope boo.

2009-09-02T22:28:00.001-07:00

i miss my little red closet. i spent so much time and energy on and in it and we were together such a short while. sigh. i'm always moving forward and always missing what i've left behind.

whiney whine...

sometimes i think my vivid memory is more curse than blessing.

see? SEE?

2009-08-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

THIS is what happens when you forget to post for a while... the amount of stuff to show and tell is too daunting and you damn-near give up. it's like when an old high school pal shows up on facebook and says "OMG what's up how ARE you?" and you think "i adore this person (or not) and would love to reconnect but how the FUCK can i condense 10 years into a convenient sound bite that won't a: take me all day or b: drive me mad in the retelling"...and then pretty soon you're in a corner singing to yourself and hiding from the demon beast that is facebook. but i digress.

what the hell have i been up to?

Lots of emotional ups and downs... love and stress and all those pesky big-life-questions. Corporate coffee (did i mention i work for corporate coffee?) gets increasingly corporate... to the point that i am transferring stores, which is a little like trading in a Pontiac for a Buick, but it's worth a shot.

...aaaaand this is how i feel about it.

I am apparently (because I applied, really, but i never expected to get accepted) to be exhibiting at APE this year. EEK! terrror! guess it's time to MAKE something for that soon. Details to follow as soon as i stop hyperventilating.

I have a show at My Trick Pony in SF this October... I'm October's featured designer... ooooooooohhhhh! So 10 or so of my designs will be available for purchase printed on your choice of luxurious t-shirt... I think it's local only to SF though, so if anyone is actually reading this and wants one, let me know and i'll make it happen. I'll post the designs in full soon. For now, here's my favorites:

I'm still painting, but that's on the proverbial back burner for now. My roomate-nigh-unto-brother Evan recently purchased a mannequin for our humble abode. At first I thought the idea was creepy... but then he brought home DOLORES (although her name keeps changing depending on Evan's mood... she's Dolores to me.) She's elderly, her paint is cracked, and she's only got one arm (well, technically she has two, but they're both left arms so only one fits on her body... so she's got oned arm and we have a disembodied arm holding some fruit in our kitchen)...but we love her. She stands in the corner of our hallway and scares visitors with her 6-foot presence of aloof, 1-armed hotness. Nothing phases Dolores.

Dolores contemplating life on our roof.

Working.

Working hard.

True Love.

Most. Hipster. Photo. Ever.

The start of Dolores' epic tattoo.

And i'll be designing some logos for the most-fabulous GlitterGirl of Temple of Poi fame soon. If i like them i'll show them to you.

Oh, and lovely Cynthia linked to me on her blog! I have never met her, but I love her forever.
http://www.cmykaboom.com/2009/08/link-kaboom-37.html
Check it, and her, out!

How is it possible that i am so busy and yet so broke?
There's them pesky life-questions again.
Okay i think i covered most of it. i can come out of my corner and get back on facebook again.

...i really can't. my eyes fee like they're peeled grapes.

2009-08-05T21:48:00.000-07:00

more therapy through mockery...

2009-07-29T10:06:00.000-07:00

... and after it all, I saw the new Harry Potter. Achievements ran high.

the pumpkin room!

2009-07-24T19:47:00.000-07:00

and as per request, here's my messy/cozy new room. why oh why wasn't i born a more organized person? yes, dad, i will eventually get a picture of the front of the house.

stupid not sleeping disease...

2009-07-24T19:39:00.000-07:00

here it is... 6:23 am. what the hell am i doing up? falling asleep was a nightmare of stiff necks, twisted backs, restless legs and even more restless mind. eventually coaxed myself to sleep around 2 am, listening to a lois lowry audiobook, lying flat on my back with a pillow bunched under the base of my skull and my hands tucked into my armpits. woke up thrashing in the blankets at 5:45. ah well, let's look on the bright side. i got to see the sun rise... oh wait, no i didn't, it's too absurdly foggy and gloomy. that wasn't a very good job of bright-siding. in any case i did go to the roof with pekoe and stand around blinking into the mist for a while, which i suppose was poetic in it's own, foggy way. now i'm eating granola on my bed, slurping sanani and wishing i'd had the forethought to go partake of breakfast at boulange to reward myself for being up so early and for a change of scenery from these 4 walls. oh well, i really can't afford to eat out, maybe i'll go have, like, tea there later. anyway, here's my view of the (lack of) sunrise:

siiiigh. dammit, san francisco.

further doodles...

2009-07-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

the house is sort of together. pictures soon, i promise. my days feel sort of strung out and compressed, all at once... one of the less obvious downsides to not making any money off one's art (yet... yet!) is that i'm constantly brainstorming artistic pursuits, things i could make, etc. that MIGHT make money. this may sound like a good thing, but really it mostly seems to equal distraction, being overwhelmed and guilt at not achieving or pursuing everything. SHUT UP! SHUT UP AND PAINT, FOOL!

ahem...

anyway, here's a shoe. I've given up on trying to do as many of these for now... eating too much time. clearly i may have commitment issues. anyway, more doodles for your titillation coming up, one way or another.

hot.

...it's true.

angst and doodling

2009-07-02T12:43:00.000-07:00

drawing and self-mockery as therapy...yes.

shoe!

2009-07-01T00:03:00.000-07:00

tuesday!
schadenfreude!
yes!

why, hipsters, why?

2009-06-30T13:02:00.000-07:00

because i'm playing hooky from work today...

because i'm having a hard time focusing...

because free-range hipsters have overtaken the city...

just because...

shoe...

2009-06-30T00:36:00.000-07:00

...after a hiatus for insanity. i gave myself the weekend off for an art show and a lease signing, amongst other madness. i sold a piece! The Bang Fish will be moving on to a new home. Point for me in the ongoing art-quest, no matter how small...

shoe!

Bang!

I'm getting all choked up letting this one go now. Can you tell I'm new to this "selling" thing?

shoe!

2009-06-25T02:22:00.001-07:00

daily shoe.

2009-06-24T00:20:00.000-07:00

Today's mental exercise has been: let it be ugly. Let yourself not like it. Who cares if it's shit? Just keep your hands moving and stop trying to make everything so polished and beautiful. I have a feeling this will be tomorrow's exercise, too...

shoe:

...the city

2009-06-24T00:12:00.000-07:00

...just a few shots from a wonderfully misty-fog night...

this was the corner I turned on to get the house I was staying in recently... funny how not really having a home makes you find the solace of home in other things... in a 2 week span I got very attached to this corner; this corner meant home.

walking "home"... you can't really see in the photo, sadly, but there's a SNES and a Sega Genesis controller tied together and thrown over those power lines. Awesome.

love love love...

2009-06-23T22:48:00.000-07:00

I love, revel in, and adore the music of Gregory Alan Isakov. He's a lovely, soft-spoken gentleman too, and everytime I've had the opportunity to talk to him I babble and act a fool. How do you talk to someone that you know intimately in art but in reality not at all? How do you convey the immense waves of feeling and inspiration that they've summoned from your every pore without sounding like an awkward, unfortunate groupie? If anyone knows, please share your wisdom. SIIIIGHHHHHHH...

shoes!

2009-06-23T00:37:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of keeping myself moving and making, I'm starting a series of shoes... just glorified sketches, really, but I want to be creating SOMETHING everyday, and, oh my god! SHOES!

today's shoe:

and if anyone is into this "music" stuff, Gregory Alan Isakov's new album, like all of them, is amazing and makes my toes curl with sad-bastard glee. Love.

oh, and...

2009-06-13T00:09:00.001-07:00

...and Occupation, as it finally got named, is done. I sort of lost it on posting in a timely fashion on this one, so here's a couple weeks of progress in one go. But it's done. Cheers.

buildin' some buildings, fillin' in some stuff...

outlining.

more of the same, plus DOTS!

detail.

still alive...

2009-06-12T23:47:00.001-07:00

i'm not dead, i swear. My nearly-four-year-relationship ended (to be frankly personal) and everything sort of went kaboom. Moved from the red room to no room to a room in a red house (which is also, sadly, temporary and will be vacated in a month or 2. Pity. It was so appropriate.) Oh, and there was a wedding (not mine, clearly) and a lot of coffee to be made for the corporate beasts and a million other excuses. Been keeping my head above the proverbial water, just full of hope and anxiety and bad-dog-mom-guilt and all sorts. Not having a room and a home was adventurous and character-building and all, but, well... sort of sucked. I have a lot of sympathy for the real homeless; regardless of their various charming character attributes, etc...damn, not having a space of your own does a number on you really fast. In any case, work has been a bit suspended, but morale is high and there are pictures to be retrieved from a few really gorgeous city days, just as soon as I get the camera back.

Until then, I give you the consolation prize of me and my new housemate and pal Nikki at Bay to Breakers. Aaaand the Vagina Lady. Because, well, it's San Francisco.
What else can you say, really?
She hearts them.

new stuff starting

2009-05-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

Some new pieces beginning... I seem to be drawn to working in pairs; every piece I've started or conceived so far has a twin. I'm sure I could think of something deep for this to represent about my current state of being, but I'll save that for later.

These are "You" and "I". Something that came to me while sitting in the sun in Jumpin' Java, regarding the nature of where my head is at recently... open-hearted and excited but with a touch of the lonely-melancholy. Eyes closed and turned inward but also mirroring and connecting to the outside--world and individuals. A duality, in the sense of a double meaning, and also in the sense of the way I connect with others, in a very one-on-one, personalized way... that would make it a triple meaning, wouldn't it? Hell, let's go for broke and see how many layers of meaning I can get! The wings and stars come up for me a lot in my own library of symbols; they run the gamut of dazed, confused, open, full of wonderment, etc...here they're serving me to talk about being is a state of dazed curiosity; open-mindedness with a touch of spacey disconnect.

This is why I avoid artist statements and why I trip on talking about my work. It, like my own thoughts, has lots of meanings going on. It's hard for me to narrow it down to being about one, concise, easily-stated thing. Maybe by the finalization of these I can spit out a nice sound-bite about them, but for now it's "they're about this but also that and oh a touch of this over here... " But honestly, that's what it feels like in my head... clarity through a whole lot of sound and fury, plenty of strength but very little certainty.

it continues...

"You" sketch and first layout

"I" sketch and first layouts

oh gloriousity...

2009-05-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

...when will i learn that i need to take my camera EVERYWHERE? Everytime i leave without i see more snippets of lovely that needed documenting, and i know my head cannot hold them all without assistance. I just went on a post-dinner run/hop/skip up the hill to the park and back, wearing too-big jeans, buffeted by typical San Francisco gusting and full of springy-air glee. i amused a German tourist with my fancy-dance over the vista of the city, but then he decided i was safe to ask for directions. The sun was cutting over Buena Vista Park, flame outlining the black tree-horizon and splashing the sides of the buildings in gold. Devil-tower stood, proud and majestic, taking on a classic air with gilt edges. The city sprawls before me and i could just eat it all up.

no, i didn't take this. done stole it. was so purty. credit to jim stanley.

artist dilemma

2009-05-19T00:13:00.000-07:00

how to convey what moves me the most? The moments of such clarity and intensity, walking through the city at midnight, fog drifting its tendrils over everything, street-lights hovering, casting tom-waits shadows on the pavement. Jasmine blooming and glowing bay windows hinting at their jewel-toned secrets. The wet tang of the air that wakes me up and makes me know that I'm in a coastal town, throwing me into nostalgic memory-drift and making me soul-hungry. How to translate that into art? How to take these transcendental cookies of time and share them, bring someone else in to feel that same moment, or inspire them to remember one of their own. Michael Shankman can do it, at least, he can for me, but I feel ill-equipped to follow his lead. City-scapes impress and intimidate me, and maybe that right there is a reason to pursue them, but I'll admit the prospect overwhelms me--I don't know where to begin--plus I feel like I've already met the master. Big sighs. It is both exhilarating and frustrating... to feel so moved and fascinated by this city; by all its private moments of beauty, but to also feel so incapable of using and translating that energy into something tangible. It's like an itch in the mind...

at least I can SEE the transcendental brilliance at all...next, what to DO about it.

A few quick city shots, a few quick fire shots...

2009-05-13T00:33:00.001-07:00

city being all picturesque and shit.

INVISIBLE BIKE!
We have the best street art here.

Me being pensive (read: terrified) before the Fire Expo in Union Square.

Gorgeous Bevin the Fire-Safety Captain. She puts out.

Michael and his personal insulation system.

Fire Drums! OMG!

Jess and Bevin reveling in the glow.

Firedrums was INCREDIBLE. 3 days of adventures in the redwoods, flames, amazing people, wonderful food, mind-blowing spinning. And rain. Lots and lots of rain. I'm so lucky to live in this city, in this environment, where this shit comes from and thrives, where studying circus arts and running around like a glitter-covered beastie is totally normal.

Jess's Survival Kit, end product.

2009-05-13T00:28:00.000-07:00

The party was a blast and the box pleases me...

The picture doesn't do the sparkly effect justice; it's covered in varnished glitter.

The interior. Also glittery, I might add, and full of wonderful nonsense. The bride will be rendered incapable of taking anything too seriously.

Done.

2009-05-10T23:59:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, and 5thousand is officially done, signed, varnished, put to bed. Thanks to Jason for the loan of his jawline, his persona and his lovely, tempestuous self.

beautiful untrue things

2009-05-10T21:50:00.000-07:00

My GOD my world is covered in dog hair! It's like she's undergoing a slow explosion.

I'm exhausted. I tried to fit too much progress into one day. I'm really trying to dig into my work as a conversation with myself; a way to think and talk about things visually... talking to myself, yes, but also to the world at large, or at least I hope so. I find talking about my work to be very difficult, which is, as someone trying to work towards making a living as an artist, is pretty fucking detrimental.

"So, what do you paint?"

"ummmm.....people? Birds and stuff?"

It's an incredibly hard question for me! My work is figurative, but I wouldn't label it as portraiture. I don't have a soundbite for it. What is this current, juxtapoz-mag young art style called? Lowbrow doesn't cover it properly anymore. I like to use figures, but they are elements, characters, instruments to convey a feeling or situation. I also am continuing to build my own library of personal symbols; the elements that show up again and again in my stuff. Scarves, wings, stars, hands, etc. Some of these have assigned or static meanings, others just have a sense of weight and significance but no direct translation. Some of it I just aesthetically like, but that's not a very deep reason, so don't tell.

These four are precursors to what I'm working on now. I did these in a frenzy, at the beginning of this latest personal upheaval and artistic push/refocusing. They mark a shift from me trying to be somewhat commercialy viable to saying "fuck it" and coming back around to some personal fundamentals. This is me remembering that I like to draw. This is also me pouring alot of frustration and gut-wrenches out.

Here Again.

Almost

Not Listening

Can't Deny Nature

Jess' Bridal Box, and another step on Still-Not-Officially-Christened...

2009-04-27T02:13:00.001-07:00

Jess's bachelorette party is coming up next month... we've had a running joke about how one of my main duties as a bridesmaid will be to reel her in when she gets inevitably overwhelmed and cranky. This has always theoretically involved lots of pictures of kittens and candy shoved indiscriminately into the blushing bride's face. To make this dream a reality, I'm making her an official Bridal Survival Kit, complete with AWESOME CARRYING BOX. Here's 2 photos of it's progress... I'll keep you posted on the final product and its goodies.

sketchy...

painted, awaiting glitter!

The Unchristened Painting living currently under the working title of Colonization, got a bit of attention this week. It's slow going. Dealing with those buildings should have been fairly simple but for some reason took me a lot of half-aware tedium time. In any case, acrylics are done and I started in on the oils today, which was also a half-aware process as I seem to have a cold or allergies or swine flu or whatever and was pretty dopey. And to make that even more fun, yesterday I inhaled at the wrong moment during fire spinning and singed out most of my nose hairs... turns out that those are important in keeping one's nose from running...

the city today...

2009-04-20T00:56:00.000-07:00

The castro being charming in the 80-degree april heat.

um. yep. this has "oscar" written all over it.

George the club-foot pigeon hoping i'll share my gelato. pigeons, in my world, are usually named george, unless of course they're named ethel.

blurry west portal doing the warm twilight thing. west portal feels like a remnant that got forgotten in the 50's. Buildings are short and there's diners, barbershops, shoe and vacuum-repair places lining the tiny main drag. i wish photos could capture the sense of space better. and the feel of air on skin, while i'm wishing.

jewel-toned dinner!

...good night...

city love...

2009-04-16T00:32:00.000-07:00

recently i've been trying to remember to take my camera along for the ride... i'm by no means a photographer, but GODDAMN i love this city. it's amazing. and the more i take time to notice the small beauties around me, the scraps of life lying all over the place, the happier and calmer i am. and having the camera reminds me to look. i think i came full circle there.

sharing is fun!

colorful scrolly cafe. everything is saturated with color and glowing here.

more color. best. houses. ever.

the amazing door to nowhere.

just a great tree, really.

lost piggy...

rainy-day light and a really badass looking bar. there's some very cool stuff in SOMA that i've run across while doing my part-time personal assisting. cool in a different way than my neighborhood... new-money-revamped-warehouse-cool...

...and finally, just my city raining, looking pretty in that mussed-up running eyeliner sort of way.

5thousand almost done and my head's in a hole...

2009-04-15T17:33:00.000-07:00

... oh look, it's trent reznor! just kidding. i'm a tad surly and giving way to bad jokes. it's the first day i've had to myself in a while and i'm celebrating by being a mopey-pants. my life is in a lot of limbo recently and i'm not sure when it might STOP... i suppose it's up to me to make it stop as well, which is, of course, not the answer i want. what? take control of my own happiness? inconceivable! of all people i trust to make decisions, i'm the last on the list! alright, enough melodrama, really now.

5thousand is almost done... i have no real process shots of this one as that's something i've just picked up as habit... apologies. Here's a couple sketches and the painting as it stands today though...

chilling in the red room...

...detail...
this one, like a lot of them, has several levels of dialogue. it's about questions, change, the pain of growth and the pain of waiting for it. the moments of poignancy that make up an experience, and the knife's edge of uncertainty we sometimes linger on; scared to jump and scared not to. it's also about a friend, so while it's a conversation with myself, it's also a conversation with someone else. I like to work with people as subjects and as symbols in my work, and it means so much more to me if i know the face i'm using... when i paint you, i'm talking to you, about you, and, finally, using you to talk about myself. i hope you don't mind.

wednesday...

2009-04-09T00:19:00.001-07:00

Blocked in some more. Slow changes. Short on time today between gym class and a night of poi practice in San Jose (which was AWESOME). I love active days that feel like progress was made, life was lived, sandwiches were eaten, muscles were tired, flowers were sniffed, fire was spun... FULL. Wish I could live more days that way and skip the days that feel like a lot of small pockets of time wasted and leave me frustrated and exhausted in an apathetic haze. Shhhh... focus on the good stuff...

today's work; starting a new one

2009-04-08T02:23:00.000-07:00

I used to stick to finishing one piece before starting another, but recently, particularly since getting back into playing with oils and their glacial drying times, I've loosened up into letting myself have several paintings sharing head (and room) space... both are, clearly, at a premium.

This piece, at least at its inception, is "Colonization"... unless another word floats into the magic 8-ball of my mind that suits better. I sort of hope it does. It's speaking to how love and its intense and myriad hangers-on seem to take over my mind, distracting me from myself, my work and my center to the point of draining me out. It's also a companion piece to "5 thousand", which is floating about the Red Room, not done yet. It needed a friend.

The Room with its shiny new canvas.

The Project Manager is, as usual, concerned.
Some initial sketches.
GAH!
First pencils...
Hacking out some first background in acrylics...I'm always tempted to leave it like this and call it good. I love the liveliness of the pencil sketches; it often seems like some of that is lost in the finicking of finalizing.
Some first base-layering with acrylics... it looks like a horrorshow. And apologies for the odd angles and crops; I have 4 feet of depth to get away from my work, it makes for difficult photographing.
...and now it's almost 3 am.

the state of the room...

2009-04-08T02:18:00.000-07:00

...half-finished bits everywhere....
...and the resident project manager, shown here demonstrating "life imitating art"...

the red room...

2009-04-08T01:33:00.000-07:00

... is an approximately 4' x 8' storage closet, an odd appendage of my living room, tucked under the upstairs neighbor's stairs. It's also my new favorite place. I should have taken before pictures, but alas, no. Several days and several Home Depot (meh) trips later...i like it in here.